Road Tale by the Arkansas Birdman
Well it all started when I got back from Spain in 1971, I got stationed in San Diego Calif.
Being a Biker all my life I started looking for a Biker club to join up with. There was only a few clubs in town at that time. And finding one that would let a Sailor and a Guy that road a Jap Bike Join up with them was not easy. But one day I road by a Small Bar on the strip and seen some Jap Bikes A few Harleys, and a few BSA and Triumph’s
Thinking this may be a place to start I parked my 500 cc Suzuki and walked in the Bar,
This Six Foot Six Lady Stops me at the door and said my Name Is Sadie The Members call me “” Suck A Dick Sadie ”” And Until you become a Member you will Address Me as “” Miss Sadie ”” What The Hell Do You Want, I Said A Beer, And A Beer I Got, Free of charge. It turned out that Sadie was not a member of the club, No Woman were Members, But Sadie was the one that kept all the Girls and New Prospects in Line.
After drinking my free beer I headed for the door, And there was Sadie, She said where you going ? I said home I hope, Not that fast she said, Do you want to join up or me Whip your ass Sailor, I Joined that Day, And that was a good thing, Because after walking in The Bar as a Navy Man that day if you didn’t Join you didn’t ride safe in San Diego.
They didn’t mess with anyone that came in, Civilian’s , Army, Marine’s But if you came in this all Navy Bar Club as A Sailor you joined or else.
NOW FOR THE REST OF THE STORY. As Paul Harvey Would Say.
Well after two years of being a Prospect I Built a V.W.Trike And I was the first Prospect or Member to have a Trike, I had passed all the test to become a member, What I didn’t know was you had to make a One Thousand Mile trip from San Diego to San Francisco and back in twenty four hours. For the final test, I’m Thinking this should be as easy as a walk in the park§§§§ Wrong There was a few Club Rules that went along with the Ride, # 1 No Tickets Speeding or Wreckless Driving, Because they didn’t want you giving the Club a Bad Name, Right # 2 You had to take a Passenger with you,
I’m thinking this is still a walk in the park, Being the smart guy I though I was I could do this in about Twenty Hours, What I didn’t know was the passenger had to Be Sadie.
Now Remember Sadie was six foot six and not the best looking old girl you have ever seen. So I’m Still thinking on a Trike I can do this, Balance will not be a problem.
And you get to pick the time you leave. This Is In June “ HOT” In San Diego,
Well I Picked Six P.M. June 28 HOT‘ER Then Hell, I’m thinking Leave after Rush Hour And back before Rush Hour, So I get to the Bar about Ten minutes before six, Sadie gets on my Trike , I go in and sign the paper Work and come back out and start to get on my Trike and go, And Sadie Looks DEAD, I Shake Her, And Nothing. Her Ass Is Dead, I go back in the Bar and tell the President Sadie is Dead,
He said She Pulls this shit on all the Prospects, She’s O.K. Just Go. Well I took off and after about a mile Sadie started to slid off the seat, so I pull over, and I told her to knock this shit off and sit up and ride right, Sadie is not responding, so I got some rope out and tied her to the sissy bar and took off, I had already lost about thirty minutes, and by now I’m getting Pissed. We go about another hundred and fifty miles and I pull over in a town called Encinitas to get gas and a beer, I think by now she will want to go to the bath room are something, No Luck and it gets worse, There is not many Trikes in California back in the seventy’s, So when I come out of the station after paying for my gas I have about Twenty People standing around my Trike looking at it. One lady said your wife is a sleep,
I said yea she sleeps a lot and got on and headed up the road. By now I know Sadie is not a sleep and I know I may be in a little Trouble if I get pulled over by the police for speeding, So I come up with an Idea, Not Great But it Might Work, I stopped in the next town and got some Make –Up and some Ice, Now Remember Sadie is not the best looking Woman even when she was alive, So I put some Make –Up on her and I put the Ice in her pants and shirt and jacket pockets, Thinking if I get pulled over for speeding the Cop will think she is a Good Looking Woman that is just sleeping, I pull over to get gas about two hundred miles up the road thinking no one will be out this late at night and see if the Make-Up had done the trick, But to only find that a lot of teen-agers were having a tail gate party in the parking lot of this gas station, and Sadie’s Make-Up had run all over her face from the wind and heat, She Looked Like A Frozen Clown. The Ice kept her cool but the Make – Up was not working. But she was not stinking yet. The Kids started to come over to see my Trike as I was pumping gas as fast as I could, I went in paid for the gas and one of the Boys said man that bitch looks Dead, As I pulled away I said your right but she looks better then what your with, and me and Sadie was on our way again. At this point we had about a hundred miles to go to the turn around and head back to San Diego, We pull in to the turn around point in San Francisco one hour later then I had planed, The club member there sign my paper work, gave me something to eat and a few beers, and then said Old Sadie can sure make you think she’s dead can’t she, All I could say was Yep We Got To Go. We Made it back to the Bar at five thirty three the next day,
We had made it, I was now a Member, And it was the best trip I have ever made With a woman passenger on a Trike, Sadie Didn’t Bitch one time in twenty three and a half hours…We had her funeral three days later, and we had about two thousand people show up, I think every sailor in San Diego was there Like The Song goes. Sadie Was A Good Old Girl
This story is True and is Dedicated to The First Woman Master Chief of the Navy.
Sadie May Butterfost
Retired Master Chief
United States Navy
But just before we got in to Kirby I seen a sign in front of a nice old house that read
Talking Dog For Sale So I just had to see this, and I’m thinking Jerry may get a kick out of this to, We pull in to the drive way and I get off the Trike and put Jerry on his leash and walk up and knock on the door, The man opened the door and took one look at Jerry and said do you want to trade, I said well let me see this talking dog, Jerry looked up at me like have you lost your F~~K Mind, the man said he’s out back, as we walked around the house I could tell Jerry was getting a little edgy about this shit,
We got in the back yard and there laid the oldest German Shepherd I had ever seen,
And when Jerry seen him he looked up at me and had a big smile on his face,
Like No Way is your dumb ass going to trade me for that,
Jerry went over and sniffed the old dog I think just to see if it was alive,
So I got a little closer and said So You Can Talk and I about shit when the dog propped him self up on one front paw and said YEP, Jerry jumped back like I had hit the button on his zap collar and it took me a few minutes to figure out if this was a joke or if this damn dog could really talk, I said well how old are you? And he said in dog years or yours I said never mind, Because by now I was thinking I had lost my mind trying to talk to this dog, So I said tell me about your self, and this is where it gets Good.
He said I found out I could talk at a very young age, so my master took me to the
F.B.I. Academy in Quantico Virginia, They were so impressed with me they put me through the Academy and made me a full time Agent, I worked for them eight years,
they infiltrated me into the Mob and I would lay around in one of the bars where the Mobsters held their meetings at, I became one of their most valuable Agents, I would report back to my supervisor and they were busting Mobsters left and right and them dumb bastards never figured out I was a talking Dog, But like all under cover Agents I got a Drinking problem and then started doing Drugs so they fired my ass,
I then went to work at the Little Rock Air Port as a Drug sniffing Dog, that gig lasted a little over two years, until one day they caught me in the evidence room getting high on the evidence, so I came home here and got married and the old lady had a mess of puppies, then she ran off with my so called best buddy, you know how that is?
And now she lives in the big house there with my so called master that wants to sell me. And after all the money I made him. I looked over at Jerry and said what do you think?
He had Tears in his Eyes from the story, so I told the old Dog I would buy him and give him a better home, He looked up and said thank you sir. So Jerry and I walked back to the front door and the man said do you want to trade? I said no but I will buy him, He said give me ten bucks, I was in shock Ten Bucks I Said, Why are you selling him so cheap, The Man Said Because He’s A Liar,, He Never Did Any Of That Shit.